Friday, 28 February 2014


THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight

Thursday, 27 February 2014

A politician was walking home from the county courthouse the evening of Election Day when he came upon a young boy sitting on the curb, bawling his eyes out.
"Why are you crying?" the politician asked.
"My dad died," the boy replied.
"That's terrible, when did it happen?"
"Five years ago," the boy said.
"Five years ago? And you are still this upset?"
"It's not that," the boy said. "It's just that my dad voted today, but he didn't come to see me..

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

ETR MACHINE SIMPLIFIED MANUAL MERCURY BLACK

MERCURY 130W

1.MAKING A SALE

Switch on   displays      1…………………..
Press total displays      0.00
Enter  total amount (vat inclusive)
Add  2  ZEROS
Press 1. for VAT INCLUSIVE (16 %)
Press 2. for NON VATABLE
Finish by pressing total
(For receipt copy press sh then qty)
(To go back to MODE press sh then VD/MODE

-If machine shows error 38,do a z-report 1st.
-IF MACHINE SHOWS ERROR 3,CHECK WHETHER YOU ARE IN THE CORRECT MODE.PRESS CANCEL TO CLEAR THE ERROR

NB: YOU CAN ONLY VOID A SALE BEFORE PRESSING TOTAL
PROCEDURE:AFTER ENTERING THE AMOUNT THEN  D1 OR D2
PRESS VD MODE BUTTON TWICE THEN TOTAL

2.MAKING DAILY Z REPORT(made at start and end of day)y  

Switch on
Press VD MODE button till it displays 3……………..
Press total displays 0
Press total again displays [00
Press [00 as displayed

3.MAKING MONTHLY Z REPORT
Switch on
Press VD MODE button till it displays    5………………..
Press total displays F 0
Press 11 STL                displays      d-b(n          0
Put start date i.e. ddmmyy
Press QTY displays               d-End                   0
Put end date i.e ddmmyy
Finish by pressing VD MODE

NB: PLEASE CHARGE THE MACHINE ONCE A WEEK FOR ATLEAST 8 HOURS EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT USING IT.

CALL:0711558758/0726106253 FOR SUPPORT

The villager on his first trip to the city was waiting at a bus stop one morning. After some hesitation he asked a woman. Which bus should I take to Mahim?
Bus Number 177, the woman replied, and caught the next bus.
The same evening, the woman got off a bus at the same stop and found the villager still waiting. Didnt you get the bus to Mahim? she exclaimed.
Not yet, he said wearily. So far 168 buses have come and gone eight more before mine arrives."

Tuesday, 25 February 2014

A man was shocked to see his beautiful divorced neighbour knocking on his door one Friday evening.

"I'm so horny that I can't stand it." she said. "I want to go out, get drunk and get laid.

Are you free tonight?"


"Yes!" he replied enthusiastically.


"Wonderful." she said."Would you watch my kids?"
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight," he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."

Wednesday, 5 February 2014

ETR MACHINES

DEJAVU TECHNOLOGIES LTD.WE ARE LOCATED ON MOI AVENUE OPPOSITE THE BAZAAR/TSC.1ST FLOOR ROOM 16.
WE HAVE THE PORTABLE ETRS THE BIG ETRS,FISCAL PRINTERS FOR computer BASED RECEIPTS AND E.S.D.(ELECTRONIC SIGNATURE DEVICE).
OUR MACHINES COME WITH 1 YEAR WARRANTY,PROGRAMMING,TRAINING AND KRA PROCESSING ALL INCLUSIVE.
WE OFFER THE BEST PRICES AND FLEXIBLE PAYMENT PERIOD.
contacts.0711558758,0712097340